The Florence Diary: Three Weeks In

a few photos to encaspulate the first few weeks here!

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I let myself settle in slightly before deciding to reflect on the beginning of my time here. It feels that simultaneously, it has been going by very slowly, but very quickly. It is already almost October but yet, I have only been here for three weeks, and I have quite a while to go before I am back in my hometown for the Christmas season.

Life has been a little hectic; I am so happy to be here, and am simply having the best time trying new food and traveling to fun places. In other ways, though, I long to cook for myself and am sick of all the tummy aches I get after consuming lots of cheeses and carbs and not nearly enough fruits and veggies. 

I am serious, I think Italians walk everywhere and eat nothing, I do not understand how they are healthy. I need my fruits and veggies man! 

And so adapting to my new home has been a little difficult with my tummy problems and also for my love of my hometown life. I wish I could have brought my dog with me, I think most of my problems would be solved with him here.

I am beginning to understand the importance of having “me” time while I am here. I thrive independently at home and at school, but here I have not really been honoring that. So, this week, I have been trying to separate myself in order to find peace in my daily routines, therefore feeling more recharged and spirited in seeing my new friends and the new faces around campus. 

In my second week here, I was given an assignment that touched me rather deeply, though at its essence it is quite ordinary. I was told to write a letter to my future self. I wrote it with me in December in mind, and while it only needed to be 600 words, I ended up writing 2 pages. Except I did not submit those two pages, as they were rather vulnerable and not necessary for my teachers in Florence to see. I decided, however, to put it here; I think it encapsulates all the feelings I’ve been feeling and all the ways I want to grow while I am here. And so I leave it here for you to enjoy.

I’ll check back in soon!

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Dear me in the future,

It’s me from the past! Sitting in the Syracuse Florence Campus cafe lounge, waiting for my wine-tasting class to begin in about two hours (I can’t believe that I just wrote “wine-tasting class,” like, you are kidding). I thought now would be the perfect time to reflect on the beginning of my journey here in Florence, as I am officially two weeks into this insane experience!

If you remember, the beginning of my study abroad experience was extremely rocky. I knew I wanted to study abroad ever since I stepped on Syracuse University’s New York campus. Brendan had studied abroad and raved about it, and so did practically everybody I knew. I thought it would be crazy not to go abroad myself - when else will you have the chance to explore new cities and countries while being a student in your 20s? I applied the day the applications for the fall came out, choosing Florence simply for its food and italian culture, and that was that.

But as the reality set in that I was really, truly, going to be in Europe for four whole months, I panicked. I knew how badly I would miss my family, friends, puppy, and childhood bedroom. When I left Mookie at home on my way to the airport, I sobbed. Uncontrollably, in all honesty, because that dog is my best friend. But I also knew that those feelings were exactly why I had to go. I had to get out of my small little hometown, my comfort zone, and experience something legendary. That was always the plan, wasn’t it? To finally get away from everything I had known, and actually become a better version of myself? I knew deep down that it was always what I wanted to do. If I stayed in Duxbury my whole life, I would be so miserable. I needed to see things. anything. So, I said goodbye to my mom at security, threw on my comically-large blue patagonia weekend travel bag, and off I went into the airport. 

The first few weeks here have already been so exciting, and so nerve-racking. I think that I am most anxious about the feelings I get when I simultaneously recognize how much I miss home and want to go back immediately, but at the same time, am sad that I only really get four months to have this experience. four months. 17 weekends. To go everywhere I want to go and yet still get myself accustomed to living in Florence. How am I to find the right way to navigate this experience? Is there a wrong way? Am I traveling too often, or not enough? Should I be more focused on school, or should I finally let myself relax for a little while? These questions often leave a void in my mind, as I know it is simply impossible to find all the answers right now. 

The day I left home, Ignacio said something that really stuck with me. He said that my family and friends are my pillars, and that they will always be there for me. They will completely support my decisions in going abroad, and yet, will welcome me home with open arms because I too am one of their pillars.

First off, it was poetic and made me tear up.

Second off, what a great way to think of this. How lucky am I to have this experience, and yet know that when I come home, I’ll have a deeper appreciation for the people I am closest to. This is why I knew that I had to go away, because saying goodbye to home is so hard. Even when I go to Syracuse for a semester, I get sad and want to stay with my family forever. What this semester gives me is an opportunity to become a more independent and individualized person; I am able to grow into who I really want to be, without the constraints of who I am accustomed to at home. I have always wanted this. I have always wanted the chance to go away, work on who I really want to be, and come back being that new person. In some ways, being at home is like being stuck. It is an easier task to go away and return new, than to attempt to change while in the same consistent environment. This is why I already know that this semester will be so formative!!!

Let’s switch gears and talk about the more fun stuff. First, this past weekend I saw the Tower of Pisa, and oh my god did I love that tower. Like, that thing is insane!!!! What do you mean it just naturally LEANS??? And everyone’s just OKAY WITH THAT??? Definitely already a highlight. However, other things I cannot wait to see in Italy are definitely the wine window in Florence, and the Birth of Venus painting in the Uffizi Museum. And, of course, the gondolas in Venice! In my wine class, I get to have wine tastings and even visit a vineyard, something I am particularly ecstatic to experience. I also get to learn about art history while I am here, going on field trips every Thursday with my class; I cannot wait to see the Tomb of Michelangelo at the Santa Croce Church! Brendan always said to go see it. Outside of Italy, I am most excited for London, Oktoberfest, Norway and Paris. Already, I think italians are very accommodating to us foreigners, as most of them speak english or do their best to communicate with us. However, there is definitely some frustration that comes along with that, and I will be interested to see if I look less and less “foreign” or “touristy” as I live in Florence. I would love it if I could order in Italian without them responding in english!

By the time I am done with this adventure, I hope to be more accustomed to the idea of leaving home, knowing that I can always return to my pillars. I also hope that I become a happier, healthier, and more positive version of myself. I do believe that this summer I already accomplished many of those goals, but now I must put it together alongside the stress of school and being away from home. It is a test that I am ready to take, and hopefully succeed in. I do not necessarily think there is anything wrong with me now; I just want to be even better, even kinder, even more forgiving. To both myself, and to others.

And so as I dive into week three, I just hope I look back on this letter and my feelings and feel proud of myself for how far I came and how much I improved. How cool would it be for me to think: “wow! I feel so much more confident now than I did before” and realize that I really conquered one of the scariest things I have ever done all by myself.

And to my future self, whoever you may be reading this, you’re doing great. I love you and am proud of who you are and who you have become. Hopefully you got through this experience in one piece, which means as far as I am concerned you can accomplish anything!

Stand tall, wear a crown, stay sweet. 

Rock on and love always, 

Faith (from the past)